How to Overcome Self-Doubt: Insights from a Trauma Therapist
How to Overcome Self-Doubt: Insights from a Trauma Therapist
Written by: Lauran Hahn, LMHC
We all experience self-doubt from time to time. Whenever we’re trying something new or stepping into a new group of people, it’s normal to tune into our environment more than ourselves. That kind of self-doubt is healthy. It helps us learn, grow, and get a feel for the culture we’re stepping into.
Self-doubt becomes a problem when it shows up over and over again in situations that shouldn’t feel this overwhelming. When it becomes pervasive, when it follows you from one situation to the next, that’s when we start looking at self-doubt as something that needs attention.
As a trauma therapist, I love helping folks overcome and heal their self-doubt. I’ve been working with a client who struggled with a lot of self-doubt in her relationship. Anytime something felt off, her first instinct was to assume it was her fault. She carried the weight of every misunderstanding, every moment of tension, convinced she was the problem.
In our most recent session, something shifted. Instead of turning on herself, she was able to see that the dynamic wasn’t about her being “too much” or “not enough.” It was a mismatch in capacities between her and her partner. For the first time, she could hold the truth that the problem wasn’t her. That clarity was a win!
In my last article, I took you through a deep dive into what underpins self-doubt. In this article, I share the overarching steps to help begin the journey of healing self-doubt, including working with your inner critic. In the next post, I will share additional strategies for working with self-doubt.
1. Identify Where Self-doubt Shows up Now
The first step in overcoming self-doubt is paying attention to where it shows up the most. What I see most often in my office is self-doubt at work. This usually looks like imposter syndrome, being given new opportunities and immediately questioning whether you’re capable, struggling to speak up in collaborative meetings, or getting anxious when you have to talk to a supervisor.
Self-doubt also shows up a lot in relationships. This can look like not asking for what you need, struggling to set boundaries, or needing constant reassurance in order to feel secure. You might feel confident in most areas of your life, but with the people closest to you, you suddenly shrink.
Another place I see self-doubt show up is in parenting. There are so many decisions to make—big and small—and the stakes feel high because we want what’s best for our kids. That pressure alone can be overwhelming, and when you add comparison culture into the mix, it can make you doubt yourself quickly.
Self-doubt can also show up around anything unfamiliar. Not the normal nerves that come with trying something new, but a complete inability to move toward new experiences at all. This isn’t “I’m a little unsure.” This is “I won’t do anything new because the self-doubt won’t let me.”
Evaluate the areas of your life in which you experience the most self-doubt. This will be the inroad to the next step.
2. Understand The Root Cause of Self-Doubt
Once you identify where you experience self-doubt most, then you can begin to uncover the root causes of self-doubt. Ask yourself, were there earlier times that you experienced similar feelings?
When we start following the trail, we often find that it leads us back to our childhood. At some point, we learned that it felt safer to doubt ourselves, our instincts, and our emotions than to risk someone else rejecting us or disconnecting from us.
Sometimes self-doubt doesn’t originate in childhood. It might go back to who you were in your mid-twenties, when you ended an unhealthy relationship where you dealt with criticism, stonewalling, betrayal, or emotional disconnection. Maybe you spent years bracing yourself, walking on eggshells, or trying to keep the peace. In that kind of environment, it makes sense that you would start doubting your own instincts and emotions as a way to stay safe. That younger version of you — the one who learned to question herself to avoid conflict or being shut out — is often the part that still carries the self-doubt today.
For more on how judgment affects our well-being and perspective, read How Judgment Erodes Our Planet
3. Recognise Self-Doubt as a Younger Version of Yourself
Whether the origins of your self-doubt started in childhood or much later, it is still a younger version of you. The self you are today has more information than who you were twenty years ago, five years ago, or even last week. Using an Internal Family Systems lens, when you start to separate who you are now from the part of you that carries the doubt, you begin to gain perspective.
That space between you and your self-doubt is where the healing begins. It’s where you can start offering this younger version of yourself what you needed back then. It becomes a place of reconnection between your present self and the wounded part of you. I often tell my clients that this is where the magic happens.
4. Notice How You Feel Toward This Part
Now take a moment and see this younger version of yourself. Look at the whole picture — the environment, the relationships, the needs that weren’t being met. When you zoom out and see everything this younger person was experiencing, how do you feel toward them?
Do you notice compassion? An impulse to comfort? Do you feel tenderness? Or do you feel yourself pulling away? Your reaction to this wounded version of yourself can vary widely. Some people spontaneously feel compassion, while others notice discomfort or a desire to distance themselves. All of these responses are normal and part of the process, and if you’re curious about why these emotional reactions show up the way they do, you can explore your emotional blueprint.
If it’s hard to feel open or willing toward this part, you may need extra support through trauma therapy and internal family systems work to help you navigate this step. I encourage you to reach out to a therapist near you if this feels challenging.
We have a guided meditation that will be helpful when learning to work with your parts, the Parts Circle Meditation. As well as a guided meditation for extending self-compassion, Guided Meditation: Presence & Intention.
5. Extend Compassion to The Wounded Part
If it’s relatively easy to connect to tender feelings toward the younger version of yourself, extend that kindness to that part. You may want to find a gentle or soothing way to connect with yourself somatically, like placing a hand over your heart. You might say something like, “You didn’t have what you needed back then. It makes sense that you feel a lot of doubt now.” These simple words can go a long way in helping you self-soothe and validate yourself, which are the beginning steps to healing the roots of self-doubt.
If you struggle to stay open to that part of you, know that you are not alone. For people who experienced a great deal of emotional neglect or constant criticism, finding self-compassion can be much harder. Feeling bad, broken, or defective is a normal response to prolonged exposure to an unhealthy environment. If this step feels challenging, I recommend reaching out to a skilled trauma therapist who can help you heal the part of you that carries the self-doubt. It is possible to heal this belief with the right support.
In my next post, I will share daily strategies for self-doubt.
Ready to Tackle Self-Doubt with Anxiety Therapy Orlando?
Mindful Living Counseling Orlando helps people who struggle with self-doubt move beyond simply coping. We focus on healing the underlying anxiety, trauma, and patterns that feed self-doubt, so you can reconnect with your inner confidence and trust yourself again.
1. Fill out our New Client Consultation form here.
2. Once you complete the form, you'll be invited to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation with one of our anxiety therapists.
3. Get ready to start your healing journey!
Additional Anxiety Resources
Why You Struggle with Self-Doubt (and How It Quietly Holds You Back)
What Causes Indecisiveness (and How to Overcome it)
How to Become a Better Decision-Maker
Decision-Making Anxiety? Anxiety Therapist Shares 5 Steps to Make Decisions Easier
How to Make Difficult Decisions
Other Therapy Services Offered at Mindful Living Counseling in Orlando
We offer a variety of therapy services, including EMDR therapy, Trauma Therapy, Eating Disorder Therapy, Teen Therapy, and Toxic Relationship Therapy. Additionally, we provide Guided Meditations for our clients.
A Word From Our Founder, Lauran Hahn, LMHC,
When it comes to healing from trauma, we often struggle with anxiety and self-doubt, all of which are common ways trauma presents itself. Through trauma-informed therapy and EMDR therapy, we help our clients heal from and overcome these symptoms.
I own Mindful Living Counseling in Orlando, where I focus on assisting clients with managing anxiety and trauma. I am a certified Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and EMDR Therapist, and I hold the status of an EMDRIA Approved Consultant. I aim to enable individuals to find calmness in their bodies, tranquility in their minds, and stronger connections in their relationships.