What Is Co-Regulation? How to Help Someone with Difficult Emotions

Written by: Lauran Daugherty Hahn, LMHC

When someone you love is hurting, it's natural to want to make them feel better. We try to find the right words, offer advice, reassure them, or convince them that everything is going to be okay. While all of those responses come from a place of love, they don't always help someone move through difficult emotions.

At Mindful Living Counseling, we spend a lot of time helping clients understand their nervous systems and learn healthier ways to respond to difficult emotions. We help clients feel and express their emotions in a safe, healing way. Often, when clients feel difficult emotions, it triggers a nervous system response, and they don't feel safe experiencing them. There are many reasons why people don’t feel safe feeling their own emotions. I take a deep dive into this topic in the article Emotional Blueprint. One of the tools therapists use to help clients feel safe enough to experience their emotions is called co-regulation.

How Attachment Styles Show Up in Friendships

When people think about attachment styles, they often think about dating and romantic relationships. But attachment styles can show up in friendships, too. In fact, friendships are often one of the first places where our attachment wounds, fears, and relationship patterns begin to appear.

If you're new to attachment, you may find it helpful to first learn more about understanding your attachment style and how it develops. Our early experiences with caregivers and relationships often shape how we connect with others throughout life, not just romantic partners, but friends as well.