Is Arguing Healthy in a Relationship? Insights from an Orlando Therapist
Is Arguing Healthy in a Relationship? Insights from an Orlando Therapist
Written by: Lauran Hahn, LMHC
Are you experiencing recurring disagreements with your significant other? Are you anxious about the potential harm it may cause to your relationship? Are you concerned that these disagreements could be detrimental to your overall connection?
I’m Lauran Hahn, LMHC, and I am the proud owner of Mindful Living Counseling located in Orlando, Florida. My expertise lies in toxic relationships and assisting clients in identifying the patterns that may be affecting and preventing them from having healthy relationships. I enable my clients to reclaim their power and regain control over their lives.
As an Orlando Therapist who has helped many individuals in toxic relationships, I understand the immense value of seeking support.
It's not uncommon to have disagreements in relationships. Everyone has their ups and downs. There may be moments when it seems like you're constantly bickering with your partner or that your relationship is always in turmoil. In this blog, I'll be addressing how arguing impacts your relationship.
Is arguing healthy in a relationship?
Underneath a relationship that does not have discord or disagreement, you will find one or both partners that are not honest or authentic. The inability to own your true desires, needs, and wants will eventually become cancer in any relationship.
In a healthy relationship, there will be impasses that need to be negotiated. Stuck points are part of every relationship no matter laid back or in love two individuals are. There are no two people on the planet that have identical preferences, needs, wants, desires, interests, etc. And these differences will create a bit of tension, naturally.
What can happen when couples don’t argue?
In relationships where couples don’t argue one or both partners are suppressing their true feelings. These unresolved issues will become landmines for resentment. The lack of honesty will erode the ability to be emotionally intimate and will create a chasm between the couple.
Without discord, the couple misses the opportunity to deepen their connection with each other. Working through issues allows each person to be seen and validated by their partner which leads to a more fulfilling relationship.
What are some game rules about arguing?
Own your feelings. Take the judgment out of your stance of being “good” or “bad” out of the equation. Know that every person on this planet is going to have a different perspective at any given moment and all perspectives are fine.
Know what you need. Once you understand what you are feeling, excavate for what you need in any given situation. This will help you negotiate your needs with your partner.
Use “I” statements. This takes the sting and blames out of the conversation, so the other person can hear you and take in what you are saying. For example, “I feel tired and don’t want to go out with you and your friends tonight.”
Make space for your partner's perspective. Understand that each person has different feelings and perspectives. It's perfectly acceptable for one person to feel ‘ignored’ while someone else feels ‘smothered’ in the same situation.
Actively Listen. When you're having a debate, try to remain open to your partner’s experience. Don’t plan your rebuttal. Instead, be open and curious about your partner’s experience.
Validate your partner. When we’re open to each other’s differing perspectives, you can more easily validate your partner’s experience. When you validate your partner, you’re not invalidating yourself, you’re simply taking a moment to see where they are coming from.
Negotiate your needs. Once both partners have expressed their perspectives and needs, move forward by negotiating how to meet in the middle.
What can be considered unhealthy arguing?
Unhealthy arguing can take many forms and often stems from not understanding that there really is no right or wrong. Both people are right in their perspectives and experiences. When both partners are closed off to this idea, the focus becomes trying to prove the other person wrong and prove themself right. This is a no-win situation.
Examples of toxic arguing are:
Yelling, screaming, and name-calling. This can cause irreparable damage in a relationship and should be avoided at all costs.
Bringing up old resentments. The current situation that could lead to intimacy is being overshadowed by past disagreements, making it unhelpful to move forward.
Refusing to engage. This method of stonewalling shuts out the partner and leaves no room for open and honest communication and perpetuates the problem.
Blaming or playing the victim. This diverts responsibility for your own feelings which creates a toxic dynamic that is difficult to exit.
Refusing to compromise. Healthy relationships require the ability to negotiate needs for the sake of the couple. When one or both partners are unwilling to compromise, the trust and safety of the relationship will deteriorate.
When should couples consider seeking therapy or counseling?
If you’re noticing things are off in your relationship, don’t wait too long to seek support. Years of being out of sync can cause destructive ruts in a relationship that can be difficult to maneuver even with the most skilled couple’s therapist. It is not uncommon for couples to go through difficult times over the years. Life's many ebbs and flows and transitions can cause strain on relationships. If it feels difficult to move back into a healthy dynamic on your own, get the support of a therapist. Check out this guided meditation Letting Go Of Unhealthy Relationships: Ritual For Letting Go.
Interested in how Therapy Orlando can help your relationships?
If you found something relatable in this blog, please know that you don't have to face it alone. The Orlando therapists at Mindful Living Counseling Orlando are always ready to assist you in navigating toxic relationships and addressing any other therapy-related concerns you may have. To get started with one of our relationship counselors:
Fill out our New Client Consultation Form
Schedule a consultation call with our Client Care Coordinator
Begin your healing journey!
Not Quite Ready for Therapy Orlando?
At Mindful Living Counseling Orlando, we have a team of specialized therapists who are always ready to help with relationships. We understand that you may have some questions before making your first phone call, but rest assured that our highly trained experts will equip you with the most effective tools to overcome the anxiety that comes with getting started. If you're interested in learning more about relationships, we recommend checking out the articles provided below.
Additional Therapy Orlando Resources to help with your relationships
Orlando Trauma Therapist Shares: What's Behind "Daddy Issues"
Orlando Therapist: How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive People
Don't feel emotionally connected? 31 signs your partner is emotionally immature
15 Ways to Say I Love You Using the 5 Love Languages
4 Qualities of a Healthy Relationship
10 Traits of Emotionally Healthy People
6 Steps to Stop Getting into Toxic Relationships
Trauma Triangle: Moving from Chaos to Clarity
Trauma Triangle: Making Sense of the Chaos
Other Therapy Services Offered at Mindful Living Counseling in Orlando
At Mindful Living Counseling, we recognize that toxic relationships can be a difficult obstacle to overcome, but we understand that there may be other challenges as well. That's why we provide a range of therapy services, such as Trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, Eating Disorder Therapy, and Teen Therapy, as well as Guided Meditations. If you have any inquiries, don't hesitate to contact us.
About Orlando Therapist Lauran Hahn
Orlando Therapist Lauran Hahn, LMHC focuses on helping clients who are dealing with anxiety and recovering from toxic relationships. She is also a Certified EMDR therapist and an EMDRIA Approved EMDR Consultant. In her free time, Lauran enjoys spending quality time with her loved ones at the beach and her furry companion, Opal.