How your Beliefs are Sabotaging your Picker

How your Beliefs are Sabotaging your Picker

Many many years ago, in fact, it feels like another lifetime ago, my “partner picker” was programmed to Narcissist. It seemed like the only men I was attracted to were self-absorbed, self-interested, and self-serving. I continued to find myself in relationships where my role was to, in some way, serve someone else’s selfish interests. I would find myself scratching my head saying, “How the hell did this happen again?”  It wasn’t until years later, I realized my beliefs were sabotaging my picker.

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Play Melancholy Song (and four easy steps to change your tune)

Play Melancholy Song (and four easy steps to change your tune)

Have you seen the movie Her?  In this movie Theodore is a lonely writer going through a divorce.  This poor guy is so lonely that he ends up falling in love with his computer’s operating system.  At the beginning of the movie, there is an elevator scene where he’s feeling horrible about his life and himself and says to his phone, “Play melancholy song.”

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The Stories I Tell Myself

The Stories I Tell Myself

Do you ever wonder about the voice that is commentating in your head all day everyday? 

As humans, we have core beliefs that colors our world. This belief system was created by interactions with “our people” when we were kids.  I go into more depth about this in my previous blog, Rose Colored Glasses, Nope, I Think Not.  It’s important to know if we had “good enough” parenting, we probably developed healthy beliefs about ourselves and the world.  By “good enough,” I don’t mean perfect, I mean parents that showed us over the years that we are valuable and that they could be trusted. 

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Rose Colored Glasses? Nope, I Think Not!

Rose Colored Glasses? Nope, I Think Not!

Rose Colored Glasses? Nope, That’s Not Me!

Do you hear things like, “Why are you so negative?” or “Why can’t you see the bright side of things?”

First of all, as humans, we all have what is called a negativity bias.  This is our innate drive to tune into, and remember the negative experiences over positive ones.  We can thank our ancestors, the cavemen, for this.  It was much more important for them to remember which berries were deadly and how to avoid being eaten by a ferocious animal than it was to tune into the butterflies and rainbows. I could talk more about negativity bias, but I will save that for another article.

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